English Joke -

No wonder our DPM and Education Minister in recent days stress the importance of learning English. He probbaly got this e-mail as well.

Joke of the day. Hope it will light up your day.

A few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama...

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Obama, please say 'how r u'.
Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.'

It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said 'who r u?' (Instead of 'How r u?'.)

Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: 'Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha...'

Then Mori replied 'me too, ha-ha.. .'.

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

21 things girls don't realize about guys

I am posting something relaxing during the Hari Raya holidays. Nothing politics for now..... something I got from my mail which I just want to share with all the guys around. My short comment in red.

21 things girls don't realize about guys

You HAVE to read all of them and if you don't your going to come across with problems in your relationship for the next month!
1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.... (Quite true)

2) Guys are more emotional than you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try (Quite true. I saw that in my friends)

3) Guys go crazy over a girl's smile(: (Quite true. I remember when a girl at Canosa Convent smiled at me, I simply go GAGA. Can't sleep either)

4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to. (Quite true)

5) Giving a guy a hanging message like 'You know what?..uh...nevermind..' would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out. (Pretty normal though, anyway that is my real big weakness when my wife do tha.... she is too anyway)

6) If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice. (Very true because at the end of the day guys can settle it all by ourselves...male chauvinist, can't help it)

7) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you. (True, I tease my wife)

8) GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU LOVE THEM!!! (Of course. We always say I LOVE YOU MORE)

9) Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot. (hehe, informal mah. Only formal words for THE girl. That is why guys are often FAKE. But we fake to impress.)

10)If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl. (Very so true)

11)If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he'll probably faking it and he is really thinking about something (Quite true, refer to no. 9)

12) When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is as Guys rarely say that (Well we are very honest in terms of relationship. The only problem is Woman just don't believe us)

13)When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he'll just actually saying, 'Please come and listen to me (Tunjuk macho saja. But deep down emotional habis)

14)If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up. (Well that depends on situation)

15) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something. (Probably counting the cost)

16) Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them (Quite true. I saw that in my friends)

17)A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day. (Of course because they don't tell you what they think. More often than not you get more confuse)

18)No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it (Quite true. Refer to No. 6)

19)NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE!!! (Am not rude) Just because ONE is RUDE doesnt mean he represents ALL of them (Well like the saying goes, every profession has a kambing hitam)

20)WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE (haha. it must be the chats)

21)Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life (Guys are dumb. But what ta hack, worth it)

Suspended?

He should have been sacked. Why?

For calling me an American Jews
For calling me a Penumpang
For calling me a Pendatang

And what he get was just a suspension of 3 years. I remember the former Menteri Besar of Negeri Sembilan also had a suspension for 3 year.

So for UMNO man to get suspended for three years, the gravity of the offence is as good as Money Politics OR uttering seditious statement.

Stop Press

This was taken from the Star:

.... He also said that the Cabinet at its meeting Wednesday also discussed racial relations in the country.

“The Cabinet feels that racial tension may arise if sensitive issues are raised. The Cabinet has ordered ministries with laws pertaining to this to enforce them.

“If it is necessary, the ISA may be used on those who stoke racial tension,” he added.

.....

“All of us are of the view that Ahmad’s comments are not acceptable at all. What he said has caused anger and concern among the people, non-bumiputras and bumiputras alike, not just in the peninsula but also in Sabah and Sarawak,” Abdullah told reporters on Tuesday.

After all the statements made by Pak Lah in the news, and with the gravity of offence, a 3 years suspension is simply not enough.

What a joke.

How to Change Our Ways

I received an e-mail here from a friend. Though I have read this earlier, I thought I may want to post it here. IT seems hilarious but it is true. An average income of each family is RM3,000.00. That depends on whether one is working and the other is not OR a combine salary of all both husband and wife of RM3,000.00. Mind you, that many families monthly income does not even reach RM3,000.00.

"Okay, let's start rolling with a family which has
Papa, Mama, 1 daughter and 1 son. Ngam-ngam ....

Calculation starts...

Electricity and water bill: RM100 (not forgetting that electricity tariff will be up soon)
(No air-con, No home theatre, No water heater ... ok?)

Phone bill (Telekom): RM50

Meals for a happy family: RM775 (maybe got to be lesser)
(3 meals on RM25/day, RM25 for 4 persons...?)

Car repayment: RM400 (that is because it is a Proton)
(A proton saga aeroback, 7 years repayment)

Petrol (living in city, traffic-jam): RM300 (that is because it is a Proton)
(go to work, bring son to school, only can afford one car running)

Insurance: RM650
(kids, wife and myself)

House repayment: RM750
(low cost housing repayment for 30 yrs,retired still have to work to pay!)

Tuition: RM80
(got that cheap meh? i don't think so)

Older children pocket money @ school: RM20
(RM1/day, eat bread?)

School fees: RM30
(enough ah?)

School books and etc: RM100
(always got extra to pay in school)

Younger children milk powder: RM50
(cannot have the DHA, BHA, PHA one, expensive)

Miscellaneous: RM100
(shampoo, rice, sauce, toilet paper)

Oh wait!!! I have to stop here, so...
No Astro, no movie @ cinema,
no DVD, no CD,
no broadband,
cannot KFC, cannot McDonald,
cannot go Park walk during weekend (petrol expensive),
no chit chat on phone with grandparents, and etc...

Let's use a calculator to total up... WALAO EH! Shit! RM3,405 already...
EPF belum potong, income tax lagi........

How to survive lah tuan-tuan dan puan-puan sekalian ???
Our Deputy Prime Minister asked us to change lifestyle?
How to change? Don't eat? Don't work? Don't send children to school and study?

Besides that, I believe in Malaysia population, there are millions of rakyat Malaysia which still don't earn RM3,000/month! !!

What is this? Inilah Malaysia Boleh... sorry .... it should be Malaysians Boleh because we're still alive and kicking!!

Our politicians must be mad!!!! "
Please forward and comment boleh or tak boleh. No wonder so many Ah Loong around lah....

Daddy, how was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

"You got Male!"

Something to LAUGH

This is hilarious. Me and Wife ketawa sampai tergelak-gelak. Just to ease the tension that is hell raising.

Message: Murid : Selamat pagi, Cikgu.
Cikgu : (Menengking) Mengapa selamat
pagi sahaja?
Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak
selamat?
Murid : Selamat pagi, petang dan malam
Cikgu!

Cikgu : Panjang sangat! Tak pernah
dibuat oleh orang! Kata selamat
sejahtera! Senang dan penuh
bermakna.Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi
semua masa dan keadaan.

Murid : Selamat sejahtera Cikgu!
Cikgu : Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini
baik-baik.Hari ini Cikgu nak uji kamu
semua tentang perkataan berlawan. Bila
Cikgu sebutkan perkataannya,kamu semua
mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi
perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?

Murid : Faham, Cikgu!
Cikgu : Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan

Murid : (senyap)
Cikgu : Pandai!
Murid : Bodoh!
Cikgu : Tinggi!
Murid : Rendah!
Cikgu : Jauh!
Murid : Dekat!
Cikgu : Keadilan!
Murid : UMNO!
Cikgu : Salah!
Murid : Betul!
Cikgu : Bodoh!
Murid : Pandai!
Cikgu : Bukan!
Murid : Ya!
Cikgu : Oh Tuhan!
Murid : Oh Hamba!
Cikgu : Dengar ini!
Murid : Dengar itu!
Cikgu : Diam!
Murid : Bising!
Cikgu : Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!
Murid : Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!
Cikgu : Mati aku!
Murid : Hidup kami!
Cikgu : Rotan baru tau!
Murid : Akar lama tak tau!
Cikgu : Malas aku ajar kamu!
Murid : Rajin kami belajar Cikgu!
Cikgu : Kamu gila!
Murid : Kami siuman!
Cikgu : Cukup! Cukup!
Murid : Kurang! Kurang!
Cikgu : Sudah! Sudah!
Murid : Belum! Belum!
Cikgu : Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?
Murid : Sebab saya seorang pandai!
Cikgu : Oh! Melawan!
Murid : Oh! Mengalah!
Cikgu : Kurang ajar!
Murid : Cukup ajar!
Cikgu : Habis aku!
Murid : Kekal kami!
Cikgu : O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
Murid : K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!
Cikgu : Sudah, bodoh!
Murid : Belum, pandai!
Cikgu : Berdiri!
Murid : Duduk!
Cikgu : Saya kata UMNO salah!
Murid : Kami dengar KeADILan betul!
Cikgu : Bangang kamu ni!
Murid : Cerdik kami tu!
Cikgu : Rosak!
Murid : Baik!
Cikgu : Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!

Murid : Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!
Cikgu : (Senyap dan mengambil
buku-bukunya keluar.)

Jingkling Nona - Rasuah Version

barang naik, petrol naik, semua pun naik

sokong dacing, dapat cacing, dia sapu semua,

tong sampah, lapan ratus, projek kroni siapa?

Air Leleh, Bukit Beruang , satu point tujuh juta.

Merana orang kita, nak bayar hutang Melaka,

BN cakap prosper, kita papa kedana.

barang naik petrol naik, semua pun naik,

sokong dacing, dapat cacing, dia sapu semua,

Hang Tuah Mall, banyak belanja, satu orang pun takda,

projek besar, projek kecil, pakai duit sapa?

Pergi sini sana, belanja duit kita,

Projek merata rata, tambah hutang Melaka,

barang naik, petrol naik, semua pun naik,

sokong dacing, dapat cacing, dia sapu semua,

Undi roket, pangkah roket, kita hentam BN

Ali Rustam sama kroni I memang kenot stand!

Rasuah Sayang...

Mari kita menyanyi lagu Rasuah Sayang eh
(petik dari blog Kit Siang)

Rasuah sayang eh
Rasuah Sayang Sayang eh,
He lihat Pak Lah tidur
Rasa sayang sayang eh,

Budak mongolia di luar pagar,
Ambil C4 tolong bombkan,
Saya budak baru nak mengajar,
Kalau salah you duduk diam - diam.

Rasuah sayang eh
Rasuah sayang sayang eh
Eh lihat Zam bodoh rasa sayang sayang eh

Zainuddin kita nak marah al - jazeera,
tapi sendiri tak berpengetahuan,
Mungkinkah belajar dari [deleted]*,
Kerana jawapannya macam ketam.

Rasuah sayang
Eh rasuah sayang sayang Eh
Eh lihat parliment rasa sayang sayang eh

Parliment kita macam zoo negara,
Penuh dengan banyak binatang,
Ada beruk, monyet dan kera,
Kalau pergi sana bawalah kacang,

Rasuah Sayang
Eh rasuah sayang sayang eh
Eh lihat rempit jauh rasa sayang sayang eh

Khari kata rempit sangat terer,
Mereka ialah mat cemerlang,
Otaknya sekarang entah mana,
Mungkin nak jadi rempit di longkang.

Rasuah sayang eh rasuah sayang sayang eh
Eh lihat bola kita jauh rasa sayang sayang eh

Dulu kita main bola peringkat antarabangsa,
Sekarang main macam ketam,
Kalah 5 - 1 kepada Cina,
Semalam pula kalah kepada vietnam.

Rasuah Sayang Eh
Rasuah Sayang Sayang Eh
Eh lihat Indonesia jauh rasa sayang sayang eh

Rasa sayang milik indonesia
Malaysia kata mereka punya
Otak engkau lagu ini milik kita
Kita punya Rasuah sayang sebenarnya

Rasuah sayang eh
rasuah sayang sayang eh
Eh lihat polis jauh rasa sayang sayang eh

Bila nak tiba hari raya
Polis kita merata rata
Muka mereka semacam saja
Bagi IC dan ringgit Malaysia

Rasuah sayang eh
rasuah sayang sayang eh
Eh lihat Pak Lah tidur rasa sayang sayang eh

Air di Johor melimpah limpah
Pak lah beli rumah di Australia
Bila Mahathir kita marah
Dia kata rumah itu orang lain pula.

Rasuah sayang
Eh rasuah sayang sayang eh
Eh Malaysia hancur rasa sayang sayang eh.

* As there is complaint that this reference is offensive.

Malaccans can't watch

Taken this from Malaysiakini on Kit's interview on Datuk Chua's resignation and fall from grace.

"Two separate DVD’s containing Chua’s sexual exploits have been making the rounds across Johor and Negeri Sembilan since last week"

cheh....they bypassed Malacca....

Lingam's brother quizzed by ACA

Why lah? This is something I don't understand. Whistleblowers and victims are been 'harassed' and 'quizzed' by the police and other governmental agencies whereas the suspects, I mean popular and famous suspects are never detained for questioning unless the authorities are faced with so much pressure. Here Lingam's brother, Thirunama Karasu, who is also known as Balan, showed up at the ACA headquarters about 11.30am yesterday with his lawyer Wee Choo Keong, who is also Malaysian Democratic Party secretary-general for questioning. AND the headline in the Stars says 7 hours....wooooooow I don't want to be grilled that long.

Well, day by day, things are getting more interesting.....

Witness Protection in Malaysia?

Is there one? Well our friend, Nazri thought there is one. Maybe he was referring to the Evidence of Child Witness Bill 2007. But then again, it is still a Bill. So which law is he referring to? He was reported by saying that the whistleblower in the scandalous VK Lingam video could be protected under the Witness Protection Bill tabled recently in Parliament. He further says that the bill provided protection for witnesses so that their identities could be kept a secret, including administrative and other operations necessary to effect changes in their personal details which include plastic surgery as well. I think he is pulling our legs.

Anyway for a de facto Minister of Law referring to a non existing law is to my mind a really stupid remark made by a MINISTER. I guess he must be sleeping away in Parliament. I think it is so true that he should be referred to as minister of tables and chairs in court room rather than minister of law who is also overseeing the Chief Justice. I think that makes the Chief Justice looks stupid too since the Chief Justice have a really stupid minister who loves calling everybody stupid except himself.

What is next?

After Malaysia adopt the Syariah Laws as part of of our laws, maybe our Minister or CJ (that is if he is still a CJ as he will due retiring in October) would then propose that we do away with the Commonwealth.

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Manchester United versus Inter Milan, not at Old Trafford or Stadio Giuseppe Meazza but at none other than Stadium Hang Jebat, Malacca. Yes it was true they were playing in our turf. Just amazing watching the likes of Rooney and Ronaldo versus Figo and Julio Cruz. Unfortunately it was dreammmmmmm, dream dream dream (2x). Acah aje… it was the Youth Championship Title held in Malaysia. Unfortunately the red-devils lost to Nerazzurri 1-2. The Red Devils were leading 1-0 during half time but lost in what we call a match which normal players like you and I can actually play. They played like our senior National Team. But whatever it is I believe they will outbeat them.

Coming back to our Malaysian Team. We are known as Jagoh Kampong (Kampong Champions). No more standing in the likes of Mokhtar Dahari, Soh Chin Aun or Santokh Singh. We play like pondan running around chasing balls but we don’t kick them, we just ‘remmmmmmbat’. Matches played by our National squad is always a disgrace. Meaning not that we draw but lose badly. Average score is like 3-0. That is in a nutshell the Malaysian team.

I can’t help it but to bring in the article in the Star today where our Prime Minister gave an illustration of our footballers falling from grace. He mentioned also that we used to beat the Japanese and the Koreans but now we got whacked ourselves by our neighbours Thailand, Indonesia, Philippines and Singapore. Applying this to our country we are almost the same. Services and Products are getting bad to worst. And that includes our Prosecutions as well. Hearing such embarrassment from members of the judiciary of such unprepared our POs and DPPs. This is so unfortunate.

Not only just that but we hear of corruptions at everywhere and anywhere. The power of the money and the power of gifts, wasting unnecessary public funds you and I give through our taxes. Moneys spend by our local councillors for travels purported to be educational but then probably learning the wrong things. Like going to China learning how the Beijing runs the Olympics in 2008. I just can’t rationale what is this got to do with local councilors obligation and recently trips going to somewhere out there learning to plant hibiscus. What a crap?

Then you have the controversy or rather scandal of the RM4.6b Port Klang Free Zone (PKFZ) where it was reported in the Sun, that Jafza (Jebel Ali Free Zone) pulled out of the PKFZ deal because of political interference, bureaucracy and breaches of the management agreement signed between Jafza and the Port Klang Authority (PKA). My guess is, not only the Minister of Transport will have to be queried. BUT every damn big shot at every damn level will have to be accountable and take responsibilities. If they are wrong, they got to be booked. No favouritsm. The Prime Minister will be answerable to the Rakyat. Too much big scandal in small Malaysia.

Instead of becoming world beaters we became lame ducks always on target for others to shoot us. We have become a joke of the land. The greatest joke...MALAYSIA BOLEH

Plan Pendidikan Nasional.....

This is a classic joke. Send to me by a friend through the net. Well to a certain extent jokes in Malaysia like a rumour is real. Well Akademi Fantasia has always been a hot thing ever since it started and everybody from all walks of life from PMR holders right to the PhD would some how wants a little star in their life to achieve. AND the only way to achieve that is through AF.

Classic Joke LHDN Boleh

I got this e-mail from my 'evil twin' Desmond. A classic of all jokes. If this is REAL, then Malaysia is always BOLEH albeit in a not-so-good sence. Here it is:

True story...

A taxpayer called up the LHDN (Inland Revenue Board) in Terengganu, and asked for Form B. The LHDN clerk who answered the call asked for the address to send the form to. The conversation goes:

LHDN CLERK : "Boleh bagi alamat encik?" (Can you give me your address?)
TAXPAYER : "Hantar ke Ranhill Worley." (Send to Ranhill Worley)
LHDN CLERKI : "Ranhill... eja macam mana?" (err... How to spell Ranhill?)
TAXPAYER : "R.. for Rumah... A for Ayam.. N for Nangka... H for Holland ... I for itik... L for lai n- lai n...." (spelling)
LHDN CLERK : "Ok.. nanti kami hantar ke alamat tu" (OK, we will send to that address...)

After waiting for a week, the form arrived - have a look at the address on the envelope!!!

LOOK CLOSELY